Handling Rejection

Dealing with rejection

Oh No! You’ve been turned down for that job you were convinced you were so made for / that pretty/handsome young thing you really liked has kicked you to the proverbial pavement/ the clique you wanted to be a part of has squeezed you out of their lives like an ill-fated whitehead/ etc etc.
Diddums.
We all face ‘rejections’ in one form or another. It’s an inevitable part of the troublesome conundrum that is life. If you find you deal with it particularly badly, here are several truths for you to swallow; they might help numb the pain, yet are free and a whole heap healthier than Prozac Jack

i) Firstly, if the person who has snatched this dream away from you for the moment has also succeeded in making you doubt yourself and damaging your self-esteem/ ego/ confidence (this means) your self-esteem/ego/ confidence was probably fragile in the first place. Fix this. OK? Done…

The reason it’s called SELF-esteem and SELF confidence is because you don’t give anyone the power to affect it, except for….your SELF. Duh. Geddit? OK. Done.


ii) How are you going to give someone who has only seen a small snapshot of you the power to make you feel like a loser. You loser! (Sorry). YOU know ‘you’ and all the great things about you, so don’t let this one hiccup in your life’s journey make you forget those things. The person/ company/ silly boob who let you go hasn’t made a negative assessment of you as a person- because they don’t fully and completely know you as a person. This means you should not be taking their judgment of you too deeply. After a ‘failure’ we tend to focus on failure. Re-organise your thinking and write a mental list of all the many, many things that are GREAT about YOU to focus on instead. Hurrah!

iii) Of course I’m not assuming everyone reading this will be approval-dependant saps. I’m sure many of us aren’t. The reason you are so cut up about the rejection is because you really, really wanted the thing that you were going after. But maybe you wanted it with an inordinate desire that transcends time and seas and existential sense and ….sorry I’m getting all poetic on your hyneez. But yes, maybe you were so driven on that thing and you shouldn’t have been, because you lost all flexibility (-which you need in this unpredictable life) and balanced perspective.
The maze of your life’s path (-am I being too deep again?) doesn’t come with a Sat Nav and sometimes we genuinely don’t know what is best, until we’ve got things we thought we wanted, and it eventually becomes apparent they were not good for us to have in the first place.
Basically, I know you thought you wanted it, but maybe life is doing you a favour by not giving it to you. In the short-sightedness that often accompanies the earnest desires of youth, you just haven’t realised this yet.


iv) …The other side to this coin is that the thing you wanted is meant for you…just NOT YET. This means the rejection has been good for you…yes- GOOD!
“But why, Retty. Why?” –I hear you ask…
Because this rejection hasn’t killed you, it has made you stronger. So you will build strength of character and determination. It means the next time round, when you get a second, third or fourth chance to get that thing, you will not only be more prepared to receive it, you will appreciate it more, because of the journey traversed on the way to grasping it. And because you’ve valued and held on to the dream through difficulty- you’ll be more worthy of it.

Many celebrated people today had to face much rejection before getting to the admirable place they are now at.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of FAITH and PATIENCE.

Consider this sad account;
“Coping with rejection and apparent failure is a serious matter. The tragic death of John Kennedy Toole screams this truth at anyone lucky enough to need an explanation. No publisher would touch Toole’s book. In a vain attempt to kill the pain, he suicided. Posthumously, his book was published. It won the 1980 Pulitzer Prize for fiction.”
(From net-burst.net/hot/cope)


So pick yourself up. Dust yourself off.
Tomorrow is a new day, kiddo. Don’t take yourself or the things of this life too seriously.



N.B. God loves you.
I’m outty
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Ser Guapa, Etre belle, Being Beautiful,

Subtitle: Women are obsessed with their beauty. (Generally, this is because men are obsessed with women’s beauty. That's a whole other blog). And because women (not entirely incorrectly) associate beauty with being desired. And they confuse being desired with being loved…And alas ultimately, all women want –is to be loved.
…So let me tell you how to achieve our vain wishes!!...

Make yourself uber more beautiful!! Instantly!...

1= Believe!! How do you suppose to convince others you are H.O.T if you don’t believe it yourself? Furthermore; that understated, unshakable self-confidence (not arrogance) that this involves is within itself supremely attractive.

2= (…Relates to point ‘1’) But yes! You have good bits. Fully acknowledge them. Refuse the human default of doing otherwise – depressing yourself by focussing on ‘flaws’ (many of these are only in your head anyway)

3= (…Also tied to point numero uno. And dos)
Gwen Stefani has relatively no bosom, Sarah Jessica Parker’s face resembles an equine creature and Lucy Lui has a lazy eye, etc etc. But these women are examples of many who are universally recognised as being sublimely attractive. The point being, as much as I am no advocate of our generation’s sad celebrity obsession, if I can draw any positive from it, it is that of celebrating the confidence, elegance and general ‘swagger’ of people who know all this supersedes so called ‘imperfections’(i.e., they’ve already mastered points one and two)

4= Kind of paradoxical to point 3, but I stand by it: Stop looking at famous people on TV, in magazines etc and comparing yourself to them. Just Stop! Withdraw yourself from being a victim of the advertising and entertainment industries’ quest to make you unhappy with what you have -and thus desire what they offer. This is my favourite tip for being (aka acknowledging you yourself are already) beautiful.

5= Smile much, employ humour, live selflessly, eschew envy, negative thoughts, anxiety, self-loathing and malice. Trust me, this kind of character is truly attractive. (Plus- stress and negative emotions actually do affect your health and appearance)

6= Dress nicely. Don’t worry; I won’t disappoint you by making this post completely un-superficial (I know you were prob hoping for some revelatory, secret physical beauty tips). But I love clothes… not only are they a means of individual self-expression - dare I say like good art- a nicely put together outfit or beautiful dress for example can bring any man or woman up a couple notches. We all know it is of no value when it comes down to the real things of life and people; nevertheless, it does show someone cares about themselves if they take effort to not look like a hobo all the time.

7= Looking your best =is equal to= Looking healthy.
What is more appealing than beautiful, flawlessly smooth, healthily glowing skin on anyone? Or hair that looks so cotton soft, it’s difficult to resist reaching your fingers up to touch it?
Nothing! I’d say it’s the most attractive accessory one can have.

And the answers to good health and beauty are all provided in nature. For example, lavender essential oil is just one solution for blemished skin, soft hair, hair growth, cell repair and muchissimos beauty fixes besides. Get books on Natural Beauty from a library, bookshops or online (there are many good ones around, e.g by Liz Earle or Josephine Fairley ) and discover the myriad of minor miracles nature provides for holistic beauty.

Also, start regular facial massaging. You’ll be surprised at how such a simple and free process can leave your visage so much more toned and dewy. Check Youtube for good routines.

But again, you can find more great techniques in books. So do be acquainted with your local library and information resources as they help feed a beautiful mind, which is after all where the most important beauty comes from :D




'Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain' -Proverbs 31:30

How to be more ‘Craftable’

You are born before a canvas. You are invariably provided with tools, materials and paints. You, the Artist are left to create and form something beautiful from all that is laid before you: The ‘tools’ are experiences; the ‘canvas’ is life and self….er
Okay, fair enough, these sound like the ramblings of a long, greasy and greying haired someone, too old to be pursuing psychedelic highs, yet is nevertheless on one (which I am not. Honestly). I’ll cease at attempting to be overly-deep ‘cos all I want to say is that some people sit in self-bamboozlement and wonder what the meaning of life is (while said life passes them by), and others already know, obviously, it is- to live. Thus, they endeavour to do just that. The former bypass time lounging in the comfortable lap of complacency while life experiences just happen around them. The latter view each experience and experience-inducing opportunities as a starving man views a three-course meal (the latter are crazy hungry for growth and character). The latter recycle this great gift of a thing called ‘experience’ and draw every ounce of nutrition out of it (- try and keep up with my scatty metaphors). The latter are the ‘Crafty Ones’.
Friends, I beseech you- be cunning, wily, socially dexterous. Take advantage of others. In a good way. You think that’s not possible…Come with me on a four step journey through my ever fizzing cerebral cortex as I show you how to be more ‘Craftable’:

1) Use people. I use people up like a fast food chain uses up reconstituted meat. I get excited when I meet a new person, because no matter how ‘boring’ a person thinks they are, they have information, knowledge, ideas, resources etc that I don’t. And I want some more of all those things. People are the most precious and fascinating of creatures (-that’s right, lonely old Cat Lady) – talk to them, explore their minds, soak up their goodness.

2) Know that every mistake is a teacher. Try and trial. Make error. Learn; Re-asses/ re-evaluate. Move on. Re- execute. In an exponentially better way.
The crafty guy is so self-absorbed. He’s always thinking about himself and his own self improvement –the selfish thing- and crafts everything possible that he comes across into a means for this end. Look at every experience –especially ‘negative’ ones- as a chance to learn some nugget of life-truth and build character. Be devious and wily and manipulate these things into the shape of your success.

3) I’ve rammed the nutritional importance of taking advantage of “Experience” down your throat. Good. It’s important for progress. So important in fact, that you better just chase it down when you can get it. The wily eye is always on the look out for such chances. E.g. the painfully shy girl who took a job as a door to door salesperson –un unfairly much maligned profession, I might add!- knowing if there is anything that’s going to build obscene confidence, resilience, determination, sociability and break you out of your ‘shell’, it’s being forced (-Commission only. No sales=no eat!) to interact with and engage 100 completely different -and frankly quite strange in many cases- people everyday, in areas you’ve never been to, some you would never want to go to and get people to buy into you (-the real ‘product’ you are selling) at their homes when many of them don’t want to be bothered out of their comfortable homely sofa-haze. You have to admire someone who makes themselves take a flying leap so far outside their comfort zone to suck the rich juice out of a potentially mega rich –say it with me- EXPER-I-ENCE.

4)Slap your enemy in the face. Pummel him to the floor. Then drop kick him. Then twist his nips.

I’m not advocating physical violence here. Your enemy is the ‘thing’ that tries to make you give up and in when things don’t go your way. The thing that stops you from believing you are well able to prosper. Aggressively defy him and shame that fool with positive assertions and subsequent actions. Pow! Biff! Bash!
I don’t care what your name is, be a ‘Victor’.

The scary and striking (-in more ways than one. haha) supermodel Naomi Campbell was recently reported in the news as haughtily describing being adjured to be a witness in a serious war crimes trial as a ‘big inconvenience’ for her. I’m sure it was.
But if you are not a capricious celeb drunk off your own grandeur (disclaimer: I’m not saying Naomi is. I actually love you Miss Campbell. Mwah!!), you will realize so called ‘inconveniences’ to your comfortable life’s comfortable little plans can be a good thing. They are humbling, make you realize everything isn’t meant to go your way, life is an unpredictable 'box of chocolates', you are not the boss of everything, you have to learn to adapt, adjust and maintain dignity in the face of things that are not wholly pleasant to you..
Other manifestations of this thing ‘inconvenience’ are ‘chances to learn how to sacrifice’, ‘a chance to grow up’ and ‘a general chance to learn something from the greatest of learning devices…EXPERIENCES’ –pleasant, unpleasant, new and varied. But experience isn't just the thing, it's learning how to draw from and wisely RESPOND to it. As you grow older, and hopefully wiser, you should get better at responding well to different life situations, people and experiences.

-Thusly, you allow your ‘Craftability’ to flourish. Knowing the artwork you are crafting is Yourself- AKA your ideal person; one who is deftly knowledgeable, ‘people wise’, cool, creative, possessive of that certain je ne sais quoi (-basically- la confiance). And great for people to be around cos your wealth of experience has made you interesting, and people know you find them so too.

So pick up your tools and get crafting…


************************************************************************************
(-Blog inspired by Scott Ginsberg of "Hellomyname is" fame...)
www.hellomynameisblog.com

Une nouvelle poème

So, you know I’m a sucka for a good bit of poetic expression. I don’t want to put too much poetry into my blogs though, as I have other avenues for it. Nevertheless, here is another bit of rhythmic smulsch from my ever grafting cerebral cortex/ or my ‘soul’ if you wanna keep it deep. Many of you will know the iconic poem ‘If’’ by Rudyard Kipling (many have had to study it at school, some have heard it recited in films where they try to formulate a ‘profound’ scene etc).
Well; the brilliant (and long deceased) Mr Kipling has just been ripped off by me, as I’ve essentially penned my own version of that great work (more aimed towards us girlies). It’s called ‘When’. It reads as follows:

When

When you can stare fear in its dreadful face
And face it with expected triumph
When you treat your seen enemies with grace
And even extend to showing them love,
When you can leave critics in the foreground
While you press on ahead
Knowing their words are merely stepping stones
For your ground
Not worthy to trouble your head,
When you can recognize fading physical charms
As merely a veil for the greater beauty
When you can use life’s silent alarms
To equip you with strength and with duty,
When after moments of mourning we all traverse,
You can seek out cause again to smile,
When with an aged head you act
In matters of tact,
Yet in guile remain as a child,
When you have the lion-like loins to hold fast by yourself
In matters where conviction demands
Yet as well as your own, seek the good of all else
Knowing solitude, self interest
Are for fearful hearts and idle hands.
When you live life with eyes wide open, yet a heart the same,
Not left bitter by past foes who’ve hurt you
Then truly you’ve become a woman, my friend,
And one of great wisdom and virtue.

Get off your rear...AND... Do something this year...

La maladie de mon âme = la paresse. Oui, oui

An ailment which I have self-diagnosed and must address is idleness/ laziness/ slothfulness or however you want to term this debilitating disease. This condition is so heinous because it makes wastage of the gift of time (the ‘present’ is a present and all that), talent, opportunity and potential. It feeds regret, apathy, despondency and discarded dreams…all because one couldn’t be bovvered. No wonder it’s named as one of the apparent ‘Seven Deadly Sins’. It wraps mediocrity around me like a comfort blanket that I just can’t shrug off. But why am I –and why are so many others- so ready to rest in this state when we know there are so many things deep down we wish we could do, know we can do, dream of doing, know we are supposed to do. Is it fear of failure? Is it because motivation is hard to sustain and we doubt we could keep up a new good habit even if we began? Is it self-doubt, not believing we really can do that magnificent thing we dream of? Is it because we know some of these things may be hard and it’s in our nature to run away from things that are hard/ ignore them/ procrastinate to avoid facing them? Is it because we’ve developed expertise in excuse-making – “I can never find the time/ money etc”?
Many wish they’d paid more attention and acheived more in school, started that exercise programme, -as now they would be all toned and buff for this cracking summer-, spent more time with loved ones instead of always having something ‘better’ (i.e. not as ‘boring’) to do. Sometimes the regret of how much potential and chance I’ve wasted even in my young life thus far, presses down on me like a horrible weighty reminder. But if I don’t use this remorse to drive me forward and generate a new motivation, what else could possibly spur me on into changing my ways?




Proverbs 26:13-16 13The slothful man saith, There is a lion in the way; a lion is in the streets.

14As the door turneth upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed.

15The slothful hideth his hand in his bosom; it grieveth him to bring it again to his mouth.

16The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.

I shall be a weaver of words

I write poetry (and have done since I was a wee one). Mediocre poetry. But with much practice, determination and inspiration from the greats, I believe anyone can excel in any talent that is truly in their heart. And poetry is one of my many creative loves).
I usually am no fan of schmaltziness/ sentimental cheese, but nevertheless here is a poem I wrote. I can't deny it is kinda schmaltzy:

You’re Loved Regardless

When you’ve felt rejected
By this world which can seem so cruel and heartless
Remember, in my heart you’re always accepted
I will love you regardless.

When you slip, and fall, and turn around
And fear the faces of those who saw your disgrace
You’ll see my arms coming to hold you as you’re on the ground
And lift you back to your rightful place.

‘Sticks and stones will break your bones…’
Though don’t tell me words are always harmless.
And when they try
To hurt you with words like knives, and lies,
Keep your head high
-You’re loved regardless.

When you’re overwhelmed by this world’s pressures
And it’s ever changing exactions of ‘perfection’
Even though you are exquisitely precious
You might forget your value.
You need someone to remind you how wholly you’re loved…
I’ll be the one to tell you.

….Here’s a poem I wrote about a year later. I prefer it because though it’s along a similar theme, it is slightly less schmaltzy (although it doesn’t rhyme which I like poetry to when poss. ‘Cos rhymes are fun and I am quintessentially just a big kid like that.)

Beauty vs. Substance

I have lips as sweet and alluring as pomegranates,
Eyes so open and piercing you feel they can see through you,
And a body so generously formed
As if it’s sole purpose was intended for ensnaring men
-So I’m told.

My hands are as small and elegant as a weaver’s
My neck long and regal like a tribal queen
My smile can remind a blind man of brightness
-So I’m told.

But ruddy lips are nothing
Laughing eyes are nothing
A high behind is nothing.
-I’ve found
Spindly hands are nothing
A siren’s smile is nothing.
The stares and whistles that chase me are nothing.
Lust is fleeting and deceptive. It’s nothing
I’ve found.

Because what and all a woman really desires
Is to be wholly loved
For all that exists
Veiled behind skin.
‘Love’. Is indefinable. Yet it’s everything.
I’ve found.
That’s why in comparison, everything else is nothing.



I can still smell cheese in it. But I think I can see some development in my style. I've realised poetry is better when it is more abstract and less literal, as it gives the reader’s imagination more scope. So, I will continue to draw from the styles of poets I admire like Adam O’Riordan, William Wordsworth, Maya Angelou for example, I will continue to scrawl dozens more poems from my scatty thoughts. And hopefully one day I will get ‘there’. Maybe even publish some works if they prove good enough in quality. Watch this space.

So what are you doing today towards your dreams?


Make the most of ‘talents’;
Matthew 25:14 For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods (15) And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability

How to tell if you are an 'Insecure Female'...

How to tell if you are an 'Insecure Female'...
*You are constantly eyeing other women with a comparing eye. You and Mr Jealousy are bosom buddies

*You don’t let anyone see you without your ‘face’ on & you feel hurt when the builders you pass don’t whistle at you

*Being without a man is an unthinkable option

*You are clingier than Lil Kim’s / (recent update=) Nicki Minaj's cat suits when you’re with the man

*You are with a man that treats you like stale toe crust. You compromise your self-respect to keep said wastegarbage-man

*You enjoy knowing people who have less going on than you/ are less attractive/ less talented/ people who have ‘issues’ (they make you feel better about you and your life)

*Other people’s opinions and feelings about you affect your own. Deeply.

*You use unsubtle sexuality, humour, attitude or aloofness to keep people from getting close and knowing the real you (to be fair, geezers do this too)

We are all a little bit ‘insecuurr’ in one way or another, but if you suffer from several of these symptoms –you should have a word with yourself.

I’m gone like Dom Pérignon.
Peace. xx



Proverbs 31:18 (The virtuous woman)…Girdeth her loins with strength…perceiveth that her merchandise is good.